Tom and Andrea

What's so nice with the Unlimited offer one telco is offering right now... you find friends and get re-acquainted with their lives once more. Ibang klase! Who could have imagined that you could do "telebabad" on your own mobile phone?! I had one guy friend whom had so much fun talking to me, asked me to meet him at a nearby coffee shop just so we could continue our two hour long updates. I met this guy during my UP Manila days but lost touch somewhere.

"Are you doing anything ba? Saan ka ba banda? Puntahan kita diyan."

I told him my exact location and we ended up talking in a coffee shop. Two hours on the phone and a coffee shop meeting was all it took for him to open up about something that has been bothering him the whole weekend or so he tells me.

"Kink, can I tell you something? Promise me you won't tell it to anybody else?"
"Yeah, sure. Like I still see the people we both used to know. I can put you on my blog though but I won't use your real name. Nyahahaha! Why? Love story ba yan?" I kidded as I rolled my eyes.

As expected, my friend tells me a love story. I'm now used to my male friends asking me for advice. I just have to keep on reminding them that most of the advice I'm giving them are purely based on theory and logic. I suck major big time with the application part.

For the sake of clarity, let's call him Tom. His lady love's Andrea. Tom met Andrea through a friend's girlfriend at a party. He described her to me as an inborn social butterfly. She's not the celebrant nor the host of the party but she seems to drift from one table to another, conversing with the people and making sure everybody's comfortable. He had a feeling his friends were pairing her off with him. They made sure they were together at the table and his friends even volunteered him to take her home when it was time to leave.

"Do you like her ba?," I asked.
"She has this face na di mo pagsasawaan tingnan. Morena. Maganda ang katawan... sexy! I still remember asking her if she was a commercial model or something," Tom said.
"Hmmm... from the looks of it something happened," I prodded.
"We just talked on the way home. I had Avril Lavigne on my CD player and basically umikot dun yun conversation."
"Is she boring? Dumb blonde ba?"
"Hindi, eh. Intellectual being. Kaya nga nung hinatid ko sa bahay, sinimplehan ko na."
"Sinimplehan?"
"I think she was aiming to kiss me on my cheek so tinapat ko labi ko."
"Pating ka talaga!! Bakit sa akin hindi mo ginagawa yan?!"
"Kink naman... one of the boys ka, eh!"
"Tseh! Sabi pa naman ng iba kong fwends CHICK na ako ngayon! So what happened?"
"I asked her if we could go somewhere na madilim."

And after they went to somewhere dark. He eventually convinced her to go someplace where they can lie down. And when he convinced her to go to that place, he asked her if they could remove their clothes at baka raw kasi malukot 'yun damit while they were lying down.

"Istayl!," I reacted.
"But I had a hard time getting her turned on."
"What do you mean?"
"Although I can tell she likes me kissing her and her boobs. Ayaw niya when I touch her down there."
"Did she tell you why?"
"She asked me if I had STD."
"Bwahahahahaha! What did you say?"
"Woman, I haven't had sex for eight months! Well... at least that time. Then she tells me she had her first girl to girl action two days before I met her and that I was touching her wrong. The last time she was with a man was over six months ago. Then it dawned onto me why I wasn't turning her on."

"And you know what's even amazing?," Tom added.
"You mean there's more?!"
"She's a swinger."
"Are you expecting me to believe you?"
"I thought it was the beer. But after she got that out in the open, we were able to establish some kind of errr connection and I came twice!"

I just slapped my hand on my forehead and said, "Do I really have to know this? So what's the friggin' problem? Mababa ang sperm count mo?"

"I texted her to do a threesome with me and her friend after that night."
"What is it with men and girl to girl action?!"
"She excites me."
"And? Pumayag?"
"Hindi."
"Yun ba ang problema?"
"Well, she said it's not as easy as it sounds."
"And?"

He let me read her text messages to him.

"That was her answer when I asked her "what she wants," Tom explained.

Text message #1: Thg is.. I want a guy of my own 2 do these thngs w/.Gus2 ko malinaw ang uspn na kami nga. And f he likes a gurl, he'd make sure I also lyk the gurl & would let me negotiate. I want him to meet my family. Yun paggng swngr lang and tago but not the relationship.

"I thought she wanted to do it with another couple instead of with another girl so I asked her this..."

Txt msg #2: MAdali nmn akong kausp. Pero I need sumthng in return for all my "benefits". I've done couples. Done it in 3s na 2 ang gurls. Done it w/a gurl. What m saying is I want a bf to swng with. I want a relationshp in the contxt of swingng. Bcoz the same way as I don't want a guy to lie to me, I also don't wanna lie to him.

"Then I asked her what these benefits she's talking about. Becase I'm a guy and I'm so slow with these new things she's been telling me.

Txt msg #3: Hindi pa ba ibang klaseng benefits ang discreet swinging?

"And she even added..."

Txt msg #4: And it's ok f u don't want d same thngs I want. Pro I dont want to give you benefits unless I know there's sumthng being given back.

"Looks like she knows what she wants, Tom. So what did you do?"

"Kink, I told her I've been burned out and that I'm not a very good risk-taker. I think she scared the hell out of me, I dunno. I probably freaked out or sumthin'! So I asked her if we can be friends."

"I swear, mehn. That's the lamest excuse I have ever heard. Fairy tale lang yata heto eh!," was all I said.

Then he showed me the last text message.

Txt msg #5: Of course we can be friends. But opkors no benefits.

I just slapped my hand on my forehead and told him, "Ginto na, ginawa mo pang pilak. Nabasa mo lang siguro sa Xerex 'to ano?"

He insists it's real.