October 27, 2004

Tom and Andrea

What's so nice with the Unlimited offer one telco is offering right now... you find friends and get re-acquainted with their lives once more. Ibang klase! Who could have imagined that you could do "telebabad" on your own mobile phone?! I had one guy friend whom had so much fun talking to me, asked me to meet him at a nearby coffee shop just so we could continue our two hour long updates. I met this guy during my UP Manila days but lost touch somewhere.

"Are you doing anything ba? Saan ka ba banda? Puntahan kita diyan."

I told him my exact location and we ended up talking in a coffee shop. Two hours on the phone and a coffee shop meeting was all it took for him to open up about something that has been bothering him the whole weekend or so he tells me.

"Kink, can I tell you something? Promise me you won't tell it to anybody else?"
"Yeah, sure. Like I still see the people we both used to know. I can put you on my blog though but I won't use your real name. Nyahahaha! Why? Love story ba yan?" I kidded as I rolled my eyes.

As expected, my friend tells me a love story. I'm now used to my male friends asking me for advice. I just have to keep on reminding them that most of the advice I'm giving them are purely based on theory and logic. I suck major big time with the application part.

For the sake of clarity, let's call him Tom. His lady love's Andrea. Tom met Andrea through a friend's girlfriend at a party. He described her to me as an inborn social butterfly. She's not the celebrant nor the host of the party but she seems to drift from one table to another, conversing with the people and making sure everybody's comfortable. He had a feeling his friends were pairing her off with him. They made sure they were together at the table and his friends even volunteered him to take her home when it was time to leave.

"Do you like her ba?," I asked.
"She has this face na di mo pagsasawaan tingnan. Morena. Maganda ang katawan... sexy! I still remember asking her if she was a commercial model or something," Tom said.
"Hmmm... from the looks of it something happened," I prodded.
"We just talked on the way home. I had Avril Lavigne on my CD player and basically umikot dun yun conversation."
"Is she boring? Dumb blonde ba?"
"Hindi, eh. Intellectual being. Kaya nga nung hinatid ko sa bahay, sinimplehan ko na."
"Sinimplehan?"
"I think she was aiming to kiss me on my cheek so tinapat ko labi ko."
"Pating ka talaga!! Bakit sa akin hindi mo ginagawa yan?!"
"Kink naman... one of the boys ka, eh!"
"Tseh! Sabi pa naman ng iba kong fwends CHICK na ako ngayon! So what happened?"
"I asked her if we could go somewhere na madilim."

And after they went to somewhere dark. He eventually convinced her to go someplace where they can lie down. And when he convinced her to go to that place, he asked her if they could remove their clothes at baka raw kasi malukot 'yun damit while they were lying down.

"Istayl!," I reacted.
"But I had a hard time getting her turned on."
"What do you mean?"
"Although I can tell she likes me kissing her and her boobs. Ayaw niya when I touch her down there."
"Did she tell you why?"
"She asked me if I had STD."
"Bwahahahahaha! What did you say?"
"Woman, I haven't had sex for eight months! Well... at least that time. Then she tells me she had her first girl to girl action two days before I met her and that I was touching her wrong. The last time she was with a man was over six months ago. Then it dawned onto me why I wasn't turning her on."

"And you know what's even amazing?," Tom added.
"You mean there's more?!"
"She's a swinger."
"Are you expecting me to believe you?"
"I thought it was the beer. But after she got that out in the open, we were able to establish some kind of errr connection and I came twice!"

I just slapped my hand on my forehead and said, "Do I really have to know this? So what's the friggin' problem? Mababa ang sperm count mo?"

"I texted her to do a threesome with me and her friend after that night."
"What is it with men and girl to girl action?!"
"She excites me."
"And? Pumayag?"
"Hindi."
"Yun ba ang problema?"
"Well, she said it's not as easy as it sounds."
"And?"

He let me read her text messages to him.

"That was her answer when I asked her "what she wants," Tom explained.

Text message #1: Thg is.. I want a guy of my own 2 do these thngs w/.Gus2 ko malinaw ang uspn na kami nga. And f he likes a gurl, he'd make sure I also lyk the gurl & would let me negotiate. I want him to meet my family. Yun paggng swngr lang and tago but not the relationship.

"I thought she wanted to do it with another couple instead of with another girl so I asked her this..."

Txt msg #2: MAdali nmn akong kausp. Pero I need sumthng in return for all my "benefits". I've done couples. Done it in 3s na 2 ang gurls. Done it w/a gurl. What m saying is I want a bf to swng with. I want a relationshp in the contxt of swingng. Bcoz the same way as I don't want a guy to lie to me, I also don't wanna lie to him.

"Then I asked her what these benefits she's talking about. Becase I'm a guy and I'm so slow with these new things she's been telling me.

Txt msg #3: Hindi pa ba ibang klaseng benefits ang discreet swinging?

"And she even added..."

Txt msg #4: And it's ok f u don't want d same thngs I want. Pro I dont want to give you benefits unless I know there's sumthng being given back.

"Looks like she knows what she wants, Tom. So what did you do?"

"Kink, I told her I've been burned out and that I'm not a very good risk-taker. I think she scared the hell out of me, I dunno. I probably freaked out or sumthin'! So I asked her if we can be friends."

"I swear, mehn. That's the lamest excuse I have ever heard. Fairy tale lang yata heto eh!," was all I said.

Then he showed me the last text message.

Txt msg #5: Of course we can be friends. But opkors no benefits.

I just slapped my hand on my forehead and told him, "Ginto na, ginawa mo pang pilak. Nabasa mo lang siguro sa Xerex 'to ano?"

He insists it's real.

October 16, 2004

Kating-kati at 'Di Mapakali

I didn't sleep the whole night last night... Binabalisawsaw ako eh...

I was never warned that eating raw meat/fish/seafood would make me feel this way... My whole body feels so hot and numb at the same time. I tried to make the "hotness" go away by taking a cold shower, unfortunately, the feeling just increased, and then there's the uneasiness, para akong sinisilihan at sinisilabang ewan sabay kinikilabutan na nagsisipanindigan ang lahat ng balahibo ko sa katawan... I can feel my whole body's all flushed yet I'm not perspiring and the air's not even hot. Ewan ko ba... I'm used to eating "kilawin" naman back in the Philippines, pulutan pa sa Carlos I, 'yun nga lang sumasayaw ako... Sayaw na tipong "Dirty Dancing meets Havana Nights meets Save the Last Dance"...

This is the first time I ate an aphrodisiac. I didn't even know it's one because it doesn't have the same effect on others, sa'ken lang... Now I know better... But since I'm stubborn as a bull, kakain pa rin ako nung kinain ko kahapon sa Jap resto! A mixture of Japanese and Mexican food, tortilla, mayo, raw shrimp, tuna, and salmon, and salsa, oohlala! Masarap eh! I'll just hafta deal with this feeling again next time around, kahet pa inde ako mapakale at maihi-ihi ako sa panty ko!

"Ika nga ni Ian, "bahala na si Batman! nyuuuuu :3"

October 12, 2004

The Date with the Stranger

He seemed ecstatic when he saw me. I can see it on the grin he flashed and the way his cool, baritone voice greeted me. They were all gone as he turned aloof, distant and businesslike.

Maybe this was expected of him, I thought, as I walked three paces behind him. Could it be that he has Japanese lineage and has to abide by their traditions? I wondered; perhaps, considering those tiny slits one would call his eyes.

Or it may just be sheer nervousness that made him act in such a manner---to think that he shall be doing this with a complete stranger. Then again, it was all part of the bargain.

We went inside the room where he asked me to lay down and then said, “Open.”

I, on the other hand, was most willing to assist him so I naturally complied.

It had been hours that we remained in that position. At least, he had the advantage to maneuver into a more comfortable position. While I, poor and helpless, sustained the same placement in prolonged anguish.

He was luckier for having the chance of viewing the entire proceedings that was fully presented to him. Whereas I have to content myself with staring at the ceiling, the lightbulb, his brown eyes and observe the way his eyebrows knit, creating a furrow between his forehead as he elapsed into deep concentration.

Only God knew what his hands did with me. During that time, I was not in the right situation to tell.

My mouth succumbed to the weariness it felt and started to slacken a bit. It was the wrong move. For in his frustration he said, “Open wider, I cannot penetrate.”

In my astonishment I submitted to his plea.

The pain was beginning to be unbearable. I prayed for my agony to soon be over.

As we neared climax, beads of perspiration formed on his forehead. I moaned as my teeth bit the insides of my mouth. I could still feel the constant friction happening inside me.

Soon, it was finished. I was filled deep and I laid there in consummation. He made me sit while he tried to give order to my tousled hair as he tried to smoothen it.

The ordeal was finally through when we went to the x-ray room to check my newly amalgam-filled tooth.



---------

Wrote this on October 7, 1995. Inspired by a Dentistry student from UP Manila whom I had encounters with on his dental chair.

October 10, 2004

Fucking Nadia

Two months ago, I received a text message from one of my best friends, Mike, inviting me to the beach with his friends. Not knowing who his "friends" were, I declined at the time because:

1. I had to do a thousand and one things for law school. (I still do)
2. I had class the morning they were supposed to leave.
3. I had less than P200 to my name at the time (in cash).

Of course, stupid fucker that I am, I conveniently forgot that my friend had access to some of the most delicious female models in Manila. He has this access not just because he likes being the stud bike racer that he is, but also because his best friend and occasional fuck buddy, Nadia, also works for the beauty industry.

===

Now it must be said that Nadia is a looker. She's 5'3", doesn't look like a dog (you can't if you work in the beauty industry), and has the body of a fucking thoroughbred (washboard abs, perky B-cups, tight ass, you name it).

Now it must be said that before yesterday, Nadia didn't even know what an orgasm was. Not because she was prissy or uptight or anything. In fact, Nadia is one of the most sexual people I know. It's just that nothing could ever push her over the edge.

"I'm off on a quest to fuck every man I know until I find someone who can make me cum," Nadia once announced before a bewildered group of onlookers. With that, she grabbed the nearest man (I forget his name), and went into the men's room to have her ashes hauled. She must have gotten her way with four men that night, each one unsuccessful in their attempt to end Nadia's then-recently announced quest.

That was eight years ago.

===

So off Mike goes, with a certain leggish girl celebrity in tow. Up to this day, he refuses to identify who the leggish girl celebrity is, but sources have told me that it has something to do with a recent television commercial.

That must be great. Dating someone who appears in a commercial. Whenever the commercial comes on, you can go, "Hey! I've seen what her pussy looks like! It's shaved!" and so on.

Joining the twosome are Nadia, her 9-inch wonder stud of a boy, and the best man at my wedding. Together, the 5 of them lugged hefty supplies of alcohol and other psychological intoxicants. Now, according to the report sent to me by my best man (he has no reason to lie to me, the bastard), well within hours of their getting there they get pretty smashed. As smashed people do in the beach, they get nekkid quickly in sight of each other and bang each other's nuts till kingdom cum.

Anyway, this is why I know Nadia's boy, Robin, is a 9-inch wonder stud: I have no reason to believe my best friend would lie when he graphically described his tool pistoning in and out of his new acquaintance.

===

"I'd leave him, if he just didn't have the biggest dick in the world," goes Nadia one night while I'm over at Mikish's, copying whatever lesbian smut I can get from his extensive collection. "Imagine, ever since I've started dating him, I can't eat pussy, I can't have other dick. It's insane," Nadia laments as she picks pornography that makes her so wet she just has to fuck.

I can't understand it either. As my proclivities toward sexe en masse are pretty much well-documented, I find it hard to believe that a man would willingly turn down a serving of two pink tacos that pretty much complement each other, even if he does have to share in the feast. Maybe it's the sharing that gets to him. What the fuck is his problem?

So I throw the question back to Nadia.

As things stand, Robin is the most conservative of boyfriends. That sex on the beach thing is an abnormality that he denies ever having involved in. Alcohol blackout, he claims. Right. On normal days, he'll text every other hour or so, and is always insecure about how he stands with Nadia. So he tries to control her by dictating what she can and can't wear, and who she can and can't talk to. In fact, my meeting Nadia in Mikish's house had to be arranged in secret. He's a card-carrying Opus Dei member, and is somewhat proud of that fact.

"I have no reason to lie to you, Mike is here. He's seen me getting fucked six ways to Sunday."
"I'm not doubting you, it's just that your boy's really hard to understand," I opine, and Mike nods.
"It's hard not being a swinger anymore."

We leave the subject as Nadia's near tears at this point. I've burned two lesbian videos, all certified hot by Nadia.

===

While making a critique of the videos with my girlfriend and my swinger-bestfriend Lana, Nadia finds it appropriate to text me.

"I have it on good gay authority that my boyfriend is actually gay. Holy fuck."

So Nadia goes on to tell me how Robin is a real wonder boy in the sack, and how, unlike most 9-inchers out there, he knows how to use his tool in and around her three orifices. I tell Lana and my wife, and agree that he'll be a wonderful addition to the swinger community, if and when he finally agrees to swing.

"Maybe that's where he gets his moves," I reply. I've always been good at stating the obvious.
"Duh. I'm worried."
"If you don't mind, I've got my wife and my best friend trying out a lezzie scene, and I think I'll be needed soon."
"Gee, thanks a lot."

Not that I didn't want to console Nadia in her time of need, but when life throws you a bone, you have to get it, and fuck you to everyone else.

===

Yesterday, Nadia decided to confront Robin about his sexual reputation. Although Nadia knows that Robin's had one night stands before, not at any time did Robin disclose that any one of those sexual encounters also included a fellow member of the male specie.

Being the coy mountain bike that she is, Nadia decides to enter slowly.

"I've heard things about you."
"What things," playing dumb. He's bad at it.
"Things. Tell me. Do you like fooling around?"
"No. Not at all. It's against my being Opus Dei. Why?"
"Because I'm the kind of girl who likes to fool around."
"Really? Right."
"I mean it. I want us to have an open relationship. I want to fuck other men and women, but I'm in love with you."
"No. I don't want an open relationship."
"Don't you want to fool around?"
"Yes, but Padre Pio says it's wrong."
"So you're the kind of guy who wants to fool around"
"I've fooled around myself, so you can tell me."
"Okay. Fine. I want to fool around. I have fooled around too. With other people."

And so they begin telling each other sordid tales of each other's varied sexual history, each detail more sordid than the next. He told her of all the times he cheated on her. With men. With women. She said the same.

As they swapped stories, their temperatures rose. Other things began to rise. Other things were swapped. Tongues. Spit. Body fluids from genital orifices. To become more comfortable, they become naked, and move to the lawn of her house, which happens to be right in front of the village fire station and park, which at that moment was lit brighter than the fucking moon.

In the middle of their front garden, bathed in the bright lights of the village, Nadia and Robin start fucking. Hard. Her butt is hammered like never before.

Somewhere between him telling her of how he first got screwed in his butt and between her first lesbian experience, Nadia orgasms for the first time in her life. She has her first multiple orgasm seconds later.

Robin is the only one coherent enough to speak.

"I'm not usually like this with my girlfriends. The only ones I fuck like this are whores. Fucking shit, man... fucking shit."

October 08, 2004

Kinky: The Word

Let's begin this blog with a definition of kinky. From www.dictionary.com:

kink·y ( P )
Pronunciation Key (kngk)adj. kink·i·er, kink·i·est

1. Tightly twisted or curled: kinky hair.
2. Slang. Showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes, especially of a sexual or erotic nature: “his appetite for kinky filmmaking, unmitigated by any artistry” (John Simon).

Ok, now that's done and over with, we can now proceed to doing something actually meaningful. Kinky but meaningful. Yes?