Fucking Nadia

Two months ago, I received a text message from one of my best friends, Mike, inviting me to the beach with his friends. Not knowing who his "friends" were, I declined at the time because:

1. I had to do a thousand and one things for law school. (I still do)
2. I had class the morning they were supposed to leave.
3. I had less than P200 to my name at the time (in cash).

Of course, stupid fucker that I am, I conveniently forgot that my friend had access to some of the most delicious female models in Manila. He has this access not just because he likes being the stud bike racer that he is, but also because his best friend and occasional fuck buddy, Nadia, also works for the beauty industry.

===

Now it must be said that Nadia is a looker. She's 5'3", doesn't look like a dog (you can't if you work in the beauty industry), and has the body of a fucking thoroughbred (washboard abs, perky B-cups, tight ass, you name it).

Now it must be said that before yesterday, Nadia didn't even know what an orgasm was. Not because she was prissy or uptight or anything. In fact, Nadia is one of the most sexual people I know. It's just that nothing could ever push her over the edge.

"I'm off on a quest to fuck every man I know until I find someone who can make me cum," Nadia once announced before a bewildered group of onlookers. With that, she grabbed the nearest man (I forget his name), and went into the men's room to have her ashes hauled. She must have gotten her way with four men that night, each one unsuccessful in their attempt to end Nadia's then-recently announced quest.

That was eight years ago.

===

So off Mike goes, with a certain leggish girl celebrity in tow. Up to this day, he refuses to identify who the leggish girl celebrity is, but sources have told me that it has something to do with a recent television commercial.

That must be great. Dating someone who appears in a commercial. Whenever the commercial comes on, you can go, "Hey! I've seen what her pussy looks like! It's shaved!" and so on.

Joining the twosome are Nadia, her 9-inch wonder stud of a boy, and the best man at my wedding. Together, the 5 of them lugged hefty supplies of alcohol and other psychological intoxicants. Now, according to the report sent to me by my best man (he has no reason to lie to me, the bastard), well within hours of their getting there they get pretty smashed. As smashed people do in the beach, they get nekkid quickly in sight of each other and bang each other's nuts till kingdom cum.

Anyway, this is why I know Nadia's boy, Robin, is a 9-inch wonder stud: I have no reason to believe my best friend would lie when he graphically described his tool pistoning in and out of his new acquaintance.

===

"I'd leave him, if he just didn't have the biggest dick in the world," goes Nadia one night while I'm over at Mikish's, copying whatever lesbian smut I can get from his extensive collection. "Imagine, ever since I've started dating him, I can't eat pussy, I can't have other dick. It's insane," Nadia laments as she picks pornography that makes her so wet she just has to fuck.

I can't understand it either. As my proclivities toward sexe en masse are pretty much well-documented, I find it hard to believe that a man would willingly turn down a serving of two pink tacos that pretty much complement each other, even if he does have to share in the feast. Maybe it's the sharing that gets to him. What the fuck is his problem?

So I throw the question back to Nadia.

As things stand, Robin is the most conservative of boyfriends. That sex on the beach thing is an abnormality that he denies ever having involved in. Alcohol blackout, he claims. Right. On normal days, he'll text every other hour or so, and is always insecure about how he stands with Nadia. So he tries to control her by dictating what she can and can't wear, and who she can and can't talk to. In fact, my meeting Nadia in Mikish's house had to be arranged in secret. He's a card-carrying Opus Dei member, and is somewhat proud of that fact.

"I have no reason to lie to you, Mike is here. He's seen me getting fucked six ways to Sunday."
"I'm not doubting you, it's just that your boy's really hard to understand," I opine, and Mike nods.
"It's hard not being a swinger anymore."

We leave the subject as Nadia's near tears at this point. I've burned two lesbian videos, all certified hot by Nadia.

===

While making a critique of the videos with my girlfriend and my swinger-bestfriend Lana, Nadia finds it appropriate to text me.

"I have it on good gay authority that my boyfriend is actually gay. Holy fuck."

So Nadia goes on to tell me how Robin is a real wonder boy in the sack, and how, unlike most 9-inchers out there, he knows how to use his tool in and around her three orifices. I tell Lana and my wife, and agree that he'll be a wonderful addition to the swinger community, if and when he finally agrees to swing.

"Maybe that's where he gets his moves," I reply. I've always been good at stating the obvious.
"Duh. I'm worried."
"If you don't mind, I've got my wife and my best friend trying out a lezzie scene, and I think I'll be needed soon."
"Gee, thanks a lot."

Not that I didn't want to console Nadia in her time of need, but when life throws you a bone, you have to get it, and fuck you to everyone else.

===

Yesterday, Nadia decided to confront Robin about his sexual reputation. Although Nadia knows that Robin's had one night stands before, not at any time did Robin disclose that any one of those sexual encounters also included a fellow member of the male specie.

Being the coy mountain bike that she is, Nadia decides to enter slowly.

"I've heard things about you."
"What things," playing dumb. He's bad at it.
"Things. Tell me. Do you like fooling around?"
"No. Not at all. It's against my being Opus Dei. Why?"
"Because I'm the kind of girl who likes to fool around."
"Really? Right."
"I mean it. I want us to have an open relationship. I want to fuck other men and women, but I'm in love with you."
"No. I don't want an open relationship."
"Don't you want to fool around?"
"Yes, but Padre Pio says it's wrong."
"So you're the kind of guy who wants to fool around"
"I've fooled around myself, so you can tell me."
"Okay. Fine. I want to fool around. I have fooled around too. With other people."

And so they begin telling each other sordid tales of each other's varied sexual history, each detail more sordid than the next. He told her of all the times he cheated on her. With men. With women. She said the same.

As they swapped stories, their temperatures rose. Other things began to rise. Other things were swapped. Tongues. Spit. Body fluids from genital orifices. To become more comfortable, they become naked, and move to the lawn of her house, which happens to be right in front of the village fire station and park, which at that moment was lit brighter than the fucking moon.

In the middle of their front garden, bathed in the bright lights of the village, Nadia and Robin start fucking. Hard. Her butt is hammered like never before.

Somewhere between him telling her of how he first got screwed in his butt and between her first lesbian experience, Nadia orgasms for the first time in her life. She has her first multiple orgasm seconds later.

Robin is the only one coherent enough to speak.

"I'm not usually like this with my girlfriends. The only ones I fuck like this are whores. Fucking shit, man... fucking shit."